Back at it Again 12 Years Later...OH How Much Has Changed...

  Welcome back Marc?!. How've you been. Well a shit ton has gone down since my last blog entry on this site. Crazy how life can be yeah?!. Not sure if I have energy right now to type all thats gone down. But yeah my last blog i was 28 and now im 39 going on 40. 

I had meningitis in 2013 which flipped my life completely upside down. I think it all spurred up when i went to a Bjork concert. Not sure but i had a seizure like fainting incident while waiting in line for Bjork, Thank God for my friends David, Floro, and Robyn who were there to catch my fall. That same month i was hospitalized. I went in to Urgent care with a massive headache to the point where bright light and my vision was impaired. My Mom being the nurse that she is, took the sensitivity to bright light as a symptom to meningitis so she suggested I have a spinal tap to check the fluid. And low in behold, it was Meningitis, at one point in the hospital I was intubated, i had also almost flatlined because of sensitivity to insulin. It was a crazy time. So after all that, for the next 3-4 months after that incident in June 2013, I was in and out of the hospital receiving treatment for the meningitis, meanwhile...

 I also found out I was HIV Positive. 😑. 

Then on top of that after receiving a routine check up of my kidneys, they found a growth on my right kidney smack dab in the middle of my kidney. After numerous tests they found it to be cancerous. Therefore, unable to cut out the growth since it was in the middle of my kidney, they were forced to remove the entire kidney. 

BUMMER. 

WHY? 

Because that ment I was left with one kidney. Was it a functioning good kidney to help me live? 

NOPE. 

Why you ask again? 

Well remember the Meningitis that I had? Welp. The treatment for that is this antibiotic they use called Ampoterasin, amply known by the nurses there as Ampoterrible. Its probably one of the harshest antibiotics on the market, thatll do damage to your kidneys yet keep you alive from Meningits. 

And yup it did just that, it fucked up my only good kidney. 

Which furthermore, had me to start getting Dialysis treatment, 3 times a week, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. For 4 hours I go in for treatment. 

But wait, ...theres more. 

So before I had started my Dialysis treatment in 2014, I have a little story to share before all that...

So I was at my sisters house, we had just got home from galavanting the streets of Moreno Valley, and we all had to pee. My sisters house has only 2 bathrooms and I really had to go, so my Mom told me to just go in the backyard. So I did...well...I thought I did. My Mom had her Mother's intuition to go check up on me, and upon reaching the backyard she found me on the ground unconscious, with pee all over my pants, convulsing and foaming at the mouth. She calls 911 and i find myself waking up in the E.R. so apparently because of my kidneys, my Calcium levels shot dangerously low. To the point of causing me to seize. So I actually had my first Dialysis treatment at the hospital there in Riverside. 

Fastforward to my actual first in-clinic Dialysis treatment. I SEIZE AGAIN. The minute i sit down in my chair, I Seize again?!?!. Wake up in the Ambulance this time again. 

Fastforward to 2018...after a couple years of dialysis treatment. I know have stabilized. Mind you when I had gotten sick in 2013, I had my own apartment, I was working in downtown. All that had to end. I ended up moving back home, losing my job. But now im back, driving, driving a 4Runner. Got my own apartment after filing for Section 8 housing voucher. I got EBT. I have Medicare/MediCal. Receiving Social Security Disability. Im doing alright. Living off Uncle Sam I guess...

Then tragedy strikes again...

I have another seizure, this time while driving. 😔

So the story goes...I had gotten out of Dialysis treatment, and I had left my dogs at my apartment. My brother Irwin who lives in Mira Mesa asked me for a favor if I could watch his kids for a couple hours. So i agreed. The pkan was I would go pick up my dogs at my apartment, and drop them off at my parents house, then head to Mira Mesa to watch the kids. Lets just say, I never made it to Mira Mesa. I was able to go back to my Apartment and get my dogs. Now en route to my parents house, I was literally on the next street over from my parents house when my body decided to seize. I ended up crashing into a car that was on a driveway. Get this, the car that was in the driveway was about to get an oil change and THANK GOD the guy was NOT under the car. He was literally standing in the driveway when i hit his car which slid across his driveway slamming into another car. He was like WTF at first, thinking I may have been drunk or something until he approached the drivers side window and noticed i wasnt conscious and was foaming at the mouth. So he called for help. And thank God for my white girl neighbor Kelly who lived down the street she came running. Oh wait, my car didnt end up on his driveway,  it ended up rolling back some 20+feet into another neighbor resting nicely in their yard. So Kellys Dad was able to get my freaked out dogs, at this point. And Kelly later told me at I had my hands on the steering wheel and wouldnt budge to get off and that i actually kind of fought her, and stared at her for a while in a low moaning tone. Crazy right?!?! Because I dont remember anything. I kind of remember waking up in the Ambulance with the paramedic asking where I was, what year it was, and who the president was. 

Now that totally sucked because since I was driving, the ER was forced to report it to the DMV and yup, my license was suspended for a year. So yeah, most of 2019 I was driveless. SUCKEDDDD!!! but now that I have my license back, i still have this small phobia of driving and it happen again, even if im on seizure meds. 

So yeah, that was me these last 12 years. And then with this pandemic that happened towards the start of 2020, life has been pretty shitty not just for me, but for the whole world. My bro had to postpone his wedding from March 2020 to December. And flying anywhere was hazardous, so no one from the US was even able to go to his wedding. Sucks,  but better to be safe than sorry. Atleast we were able to watch through zoom. 

To Just Love. Has been harder than ever before. 

To Just Love, Update

from 2-16-09
"I had mass the other day at my cousin's house in celebration for our Nuestra Señora De Los Remedios. It was quite eye opening. It was Valentine's Day so the theme was about love. The priest's gospel was about love and he probed our family and friends on what the definition of love was. My mom even spoke out as well did other few relatives and friends but all in all they were all explanations for what love 'does'. its funny because it was obvious by everyone's reaction we were all thinking of explanations blinded from the realization that it wasn't really a definition. A word passed around so easily we don't even know the true definition. My cousin Thes went for the obvious easy answer stating, God is Love. Which you can say is true but then again, it's a pretty vague answer. When you say God is love you still want to ask yourself, well so then what is love?? The priest then told us yes, after I tell you what love is, you may try to follow it but it is extremely hard. For to 'love' defined by Jesus is to live like Jesus did. That's when it clicked for me. St. Augustine defined love as wishing good for everything, everyone, everyday. God wishes good for everything, everyone, & everyday. An example he brought up was a love within the family. A mother loves her kids. she has 20 bucks, she gives 5 to one child and 15 to the other, not because she loves the other child more but because she knows what the other child needs. When two people love each other, there's a difference between saying, "i just love him, i lost my heart in him" as opposed to "i love him because he's funny, he's beautiful, he's intelligent" When you say that, then love becomes conditional. The mother and her kids is unconditional. haha I hope this translation of yesterdays talk is making sense. Yes, love is unconditional. But many of us, honestly, it's hard to love unconditionally. We love our brother because he's our brother, we love our friends because they are our friends. Do we love them because they are who they are? Blood does run thicker than water right? To just love. ..is what i think my New Year's resolution will be. took me about a month and a half to figure it out, lol. Set all the bullshit aside and just love. In these trying times i know it'll be rough, but it's worth the shot. =)"

So it's been about 3 months now. How has my New Year's Resolution been going u may ask? umm....NOT GOOD. lol. It's hard dealing with dumb asss bitches. Sometimes I just don't have the time of day. A lot has happened since i wrote that blog. A WHOLE lot like seeing one of your closest friends in an extremely diffffferent light. I've never had to visit anyone in jail. BUT DAMN. For those that read this. (Chloe lol) don't go spreadin the news like Frank Sinatra. It's been pretty tough. Had another episode with my dad, but this time he decided to pull a gun on me. An empty gun. . I've attempted to 'just love' but like the priest said, it SURE IS probably one of the hardest things to do in life. I'm taking out my garbage. I normally don't share my garbage especially to friends because I know we all have our own garbage to take out from time to time with our own plates to empty out. But this is my personal page SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. LOL. I IZ washin my hiiyeaaannndsss!!!

My First Post

I'm officially back to blogging. It's been a long while from my xanga days. With so much changed. Welcome Marc! I hope you enjoy your long journey through the world of blogging.